Today my wife left for a week to go on a cruise to Cozumel with her sisters -no husbands allowed. Well, they’re off to have a good time and me and the 5 kids are determined to have a blast too! This is gonna be good so I figured I better blog about it everyday to let everyone know how easy it is to manage the family with Mom gone!
For starters, when the kids got home from school and I got home from work, they were all pretty bummed that Mom was gone to Mexico without them. To cheer them up I decided to let them have a special privilege: TV! Normally they can’t watch TV during a school week, only on the weekends – and by TV I mean they watch approved shows on Netflix. Anyway, they were excited about this break from the norm.
In the evening they started asking what was for dinner. I started to say “Ask Mom” and then remembered that it was up to me. So I asked them what they wanted – “Spaghetti!” they all said. So I went up to start getting it ready – and realized that we didn’t have any spaghetti sauce. No wonder we hadn’t had that in a while.
“I’ve got to run to the store to get Spaghetti Sauce” I told the oldest. “OK, please get me some super glue while you’re there” she said. So, I headed to Wal-Mart instead of the nearby grocery store. Once I got there, I made my way to the food aisles to get spaghetti sauce. Fifteen minutes later I still couldn’t find it and decided to go grab the super glue. I walked into the “Do It Yourself” aisles and something caught my eye….
… Sixty Eight minutes later I noticed what time it was and hurried back out of that section, still wondering where the super glue was. I figured I better hurry and get what I needed for dinner so I went back to the food aisles and quickly did the Z formation on them – you know, walk down an aisle, turn left, turn left again and walk down the next aisle, turn right and right and repeat for 8 aisles. I still couldn’t find the spaghetti sauce.
By the time I got back to the produce aisle I knew I better hurry. I went back a couple aisles to where I had seen Spaghetti-O’s and grabbed those. I headed to the checkout knowing I was forgetting something but had no idea what and I was in a hurry. I got in the shortest line, behind 14 people, and began waiting. I texted my daughter to let her know I was almost done. She texted back with “Lol.”. When I looked back up I saw super glue in the checkout lane, I grabbed some and felt pleased with myself that I had everything.
I finally walked back in the house two hours after I’d left to a bunch of kids whining that they were hungry. “We HATE Spaghetti-O’s!”, they all chorused. “Mom knows that”, they all stated emphatically. “Ok, Ok!” I said. “We’ll start the spaghetti noodles and I’ll run to the grocery store this time.” So I started the water boiling, added the noodles and headed for the store.
I walked in and started the Z-formation while speed-walking. I couldn’t see any stupid spaghetti sauce and, not wanting to re-live the Wal-Mart experience, I walked over to customer service and asked them where in the Bowels of Hades is their frickin’ spaghetti sauce. The nice lady said “just a second” as she walked from behind the counter and pointed in the opposite direction. “See over there, on aisle 4, where the big sign is over the aisle?”. “Yeah”, I said impatiently. “OK, look at the sign, see where it says ‘Spaghetti Sauce’?” “Ohhhh!”, I said as I walked away and began tucking my tail between my legs.
Once I got in the aisle, I finally found the hidden spaghetti sauce concealed behind some camouflage and wearing a ghilli suit – right in the open. Wait. There are like fifty bajilllion choices. What the.?? I started looking through them and reached for one that said “Contains Meat”. Then I looked closer – it said ‘Flavored with Meat’. Flavored? What the pink unicorns does ‘Flavored with Meat’ mean? I began looking at the labels and trying to figure it out. Then I saw one that said “Mushrooms” in big letters that was also flavored with meat. And ‘Hearty’ and ‘Rich, Italian Flavor’ and so on. I have NO IDEA what my wife usually gets, I just know it tastes good. I finally select a ‘Hearty Meat Flavored Mushroom Italian’ Sauce or something. I get in the shortest line behind like eight people and begin waiting.
I walk back in the door 35 minutes after I left.
Half the kids are asleep in front of the TV. I tell the other kids to get ready for dinner in just a minute. I go to the stove and … there’s no water left in the noodles. Half the noodles are pan-fried and the other half are bloated and mushy. The kids that are still awake are looking at them with me. “Can we just have a sandwich?” my daughter asks.
Ten minutes later we finished our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It’s 10:30 at night. “We never did our homework, Dad.” the same daughter says to me as her eyes are drooping shut. “Why not?” I asked. “You never told us to Dad, you said to watch TV”. I just stared at her. “OK, get ready for bed. We’ll take care of that in the morning.” I said, solving the issue.
A few minutes later we had prayers and everyone nearly fell asleep. I ushered them into bed, brought the other kids up and put them in bed and then walked back into the kitchen. “Someone needs to clean up this mess” I thought. I’ll think about it tomorrow. I’m pretty tired now.
Overall, the night went well – the kids had fun, we all ended up having dinner (unless they were already asleep) and well, nobody got hurt! I think this week will go just fine once we iron out some of the bumps!