Wife on GirlCation – Dad On His Own With 5 Kids – Day 1

Today my wife left for a week to go on a cruise to Cozumel with her sisters -no husbands allowed.  Well, they’re off to have a good time and me and the 5 kids are determined to have a blast too!  This is gonna be good so I figured I better blog about it everyday to let everyone know how easy it is to manage the family with Mom gone!

For starters, when the kids got home from school and I got home from work, they were all pretty bummed that Mom was gone to Mexico without them.  To cheer them up I decided to let them have a special privilege: TV!  Normally they can’t watch TV during a school week, only on the weekends – and by TV I mean they watch approved shows on Netflix.  Anyway, they were excited about this break from the norm.

In the evening they started asking what was for dinner.  I started to say “Ask Mom” and then remembered that it was up to me.  So I asked them what they wanted – “Spaghetti!” they all said.  So I went up to start getting it ready – and realized that we didn’t have any spaghetti sauce.  No wonder we hadn’t had that in a while.

“I’ve got to run to the store to get Spaghetti Sauce” I told the oldest.  “OK, please get me some super glue while you’re there” she said.  So, I headed to Wal-Mart instead of the nearby grocery store.  Once I got there, I made my way to the food aisles to get spaghetti sauce.  Fifteen minutes later I still couldn’t find it and decided to go grab the super glue.  I walked into the “Do It Yourself” aisles and something caught my eye….

… Sixty Eight minutes later I noticed what time it was and hurried back out of that section, still wondering where the super glue was.  I figured I better hurry and get what I needed for dinner so I went back to the food aisles and quickly did the Z formation on them – you know, walk down an aisle, turn left, turn left again and walk down the next aisle, turn right and right and repeat for 8 aisles.  I still couldn’t find the spaghetti sauce.

By the time I got back to the produce aisle I knew I better hurry.  I went back a couple aisles to where I had seen Spaghetti-O’s and grabbed those.  I headed to the checkout knowing I was forgetting something but had no idea what and I was in a hurry.  I got in the shortest line, behind 14 people, and began waiting.  I texted my daughter to let her know I was almost done.  She texted back with “Lol.”.  When I looked back up I saw super glue in the checkout lane, I grabbed some and felt pleased with myself that I had everything.

I finally walked back in the house two hours after I’d left to a bunch of kids whining that they were hungry.  “We HATE Spaghetti-O’s!”, they all chorused.  “Mom knows that”, they all stated emphatically.  “Ok, Ok!” I said.  “We’ll start the spaghetti noodles and I’ll run to the grocery store this time.”  So I started the water boiling, added the noodles and headed for the store.

I walked in and started the Z-formation while speed-walking.  I couldn’t see any stupid spaghetti sauce and, not wanting to re-live the Wal-Mart experience, I walked over to customer service and asked them where in the Bowels of Hades is their frickin’ spaghetti sauce.  The nice lady said “just a second” as she walked from behind the counter and pointed in the opposite direction.  “See over there, on aisle 4, where the big sign is over the aisle?”.  “Yeah”, I said impatiently.  “OK, look at the sign, see where it says ‘Spaghetti Sauce’?”  “Ohhhh!”, I said as I walked away and began tucking my tail between my legs.

Once I got in the aisle, I finally found the hidden spaghetti sauce concealed behind some camouflage and wearing a ghilli suit – right in the open.  Wait.  There are like fifty bajilllion choices.  What the.??  I started looking through them and reached for one that said “Contains Meat”.  Then I looked closer – it said ‘Flavored with Meat’.  Flavored?  What the pink unicorns does ‘Flavored with Meat’ mean?  I began looking at the labels and trying to figure it out.  Then I saw one that said “Mushrooms” in big letters that was also flavored with meat.  And ‘Hearty’ and ‘Rich, Italian Flavor’ and so on.  I have NO IDEA what my wife usually gets, I just know it tastes good.  I finally select a ‘Hearty Meat Flavored Mushroom Italian’ Sauce or something.  I get in the shortest line behind like eight people and begin waiting.

I walk back in the door 35 minutes after I left.

Half the kids are asleep in front of the TV.  I tell the other kids to get ready for dinner in just a minute.  I go to the stove and … there’s no water left in the noodles.  Half the noodles are pan-fried and the other half are bloated and mushy.  The kids that are still awake are looking at them with me.  “Can we just have a sandwich?” my daughter asks.

Ten minutes later we finished our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  It’s 10:30 at night.  “We never did our homework, Dad.” the same daughter says to me as her eyes are drooping shut.  “Why not?” I asked.  “You never told us to Dad, you said to watch TV”.  I just stared at her.  “OK, get ready for bed.  We’ll take care of that in the morning.” I said, solving the issue.

A few minutes later we had prayers and everyone nearly fell asleep.  I ushered them into bed, brought the other kids up and put them in bed and then walked back into the kitchen.  “Someone needs to clean up this mess” I thought.  I’ll think about it tomorrow.  I’m pretty tired now.

Overall, the night went well – the kids had fun, we all ended up having dinner (unless they were already asleep) and well, nobody got hurt!  I think this week will go just fine once we iron out some of the bumps!

Read Day 2 Here.

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